In My Mind
I wonder if I will ever be able to take off my ankle-length, black down coat.
I wonder how my hair is doing under my winter hat, all matted and nestled.
I wonder if the warm summer sun misses my face as much as my face misses it.
I wonder how life serves such duality: life/death, light/dark, happy/sad, here/gone.
I wonder if the tulips are stretching beneath the snow. I wonder how they know and envy their certainty.
I wonder what might happen if I truly gave up Caring About What Others Think About Me, what space would be opened, what peace may permeate.
I wonder: are the little birds who occupy this frozen land cold? Do they know cold in their bones? Do they care?
I wonder if I would be truly happy if my home were clean, top to bottom, door frames to base boards, or if I’m chasing an illusion like a dodgy dust bunny?
I wonder about the times I got it wrong. And hope I learned enough to get it right.
I wonder if wrinkles were always eschewed by our culture. I wonder what would happen if time’s stamp was heralded as much as a newborn’s cheek, both equally magical.
I wonder if I can get new inserts for my boots.
I wonder if I’m raising them well, giving them the Right Tools, leading by example in this precarious life.
I wonder and marvel at mathematical minds, speaking numbers like an exotic language.
I wonder if my uterus is suffering from empty-nest syndrome.
I wonder when the words on the page became so small.
I wonder how a song crawls within and pulses with my heart and chest and veins and soul. I can feel the double bar of the sixteenth note and the weight of the bass, starting in my stomach and ending in ripples all around.
I wonder at the implicit power that another person’s careless driving has on my temper, rising rising rising to mercury red.
I wonder if I’d feel free if I threw away my saved stack of magazine pages (recipes to cook, books to read, ideas to ponder)–or if I’d miss the certainty of them. Would I miss their company?
I wonder at the scent of the night, an expanse of dark magic striking my heart’s chord.
I wonder at the familiarity of my husband’s face, our 12 years of marriage and I the cartographers of his particular map.
I wonder how it is that I still marvel at time’s passage and I hope I never stop.