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Dear depression

May 2, 2016

Dear depression,

Really, you’re quite impressive.

The way you attempt to take down legions of innocent people, pawns in your dangerous game.

And the way you reinvent yourself? I mean, really. Sometimes you knock people down with tsunami force and other times you lurk about. Sometimes you arrive when it makes sense, when one of us would think we’d be depressed; others, you descend slowly,  Just Because!, like a fucked-up little greeting card. You remind me of a superbug, ever-changing to keep yourself alive.

I’ve been talking to people–lots of people–and you know what? We’re onto you. We’re tired of you pushing us down into the dark depths as you float effortlessly along. We’re tired of you taking over our thoughts and telling your compelling lies– when we try to sleep, when we’ve finally made it to savasana , when we’re dicing the onions, when we’re making that funny putting-on-mascara face, when we’re talking to friends, when we’re riding the bus, when we’re on a conference call, when our thoughts are a skipping record of doubt. We’re tired of you making us compare ourselves to everyone else. We’re tired of being tired. We’re tired of you belittling our contributions.

Even though you throw equal parts shame and self-loathing at your victims, and even though you attempt to mute us with your promises that no one could ever love us if they knew the depth of our suffering, we’re NOT going to be quiet.

Nope. No fucking way.

Denise

 

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Meg Ferron permalink
    May 2, 2016 3:37 pm

    yeppers…here you go again…saying what I have been thinking but didn’t realize I was thinkin’. Stinkin’ depression. You insidious ass, Denise is going to keep calling you out and every time she does you get more and more transparent. She is NOT messing around

  2. Cynthia permalink
    May 2, 2016 4:10 pm

    So well said! Love it! It’s got me pinned down but I am putting up a fight!

  3. Gail Kreitzer permalink
    May 2, 2016 4:36 pm

    Good for you!!!

    I have a question for you. Don’t think about your response for very long. Don’t even look away or close this e-mail for later. Just tell me ok? (And, then I will ask you one or two more questions…)

    If you were not feeling sad (and experiencing zero motivation) what would you want to be doing with all of your heart?

    Try to be as specific as possible… I like you a tiny bit. xxx

    [image: photo] *Gail Kreitzer* My Dashboard® Planner, The Little Big Things, LLC 201-532-8958 | Mental Organization | http://www.mydashboardplanner.com | MDP is a unique physical planner that allows you to unpack, organize and distill your mental clutter so you feel more in control of your busy life. Get a signature like this: Click here!

  4. May 2, 2016 6:17 pm

    Such a great post, really enjoyed the openness. I just wrote a post on my blog called the ‘mental illness tag’, I’m trying to help people understand and have an insight into what it’s like to have a mental illness, would be great if you did it!

    https://beccadoeslifethings.wordpress.com/2016/05/02/mental-illness-tag/

  5. May 2, 2016 8:49 pm

    Yes! Calling it out in the open, like you’ve done with such clarity and strength here, it doesn’t really stand a long term chance. Thank you.

  6. May 3, 2016 1:12 pm

    Thanks for your vulnerability, Denise. xo

Give me your grit.

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